


While I Learn to be the One

by dls



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1, Arc Reactor Angst, Betrayals, Broken Team Dynamics, Civil War Team Iron Man, Gen, Lies, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective New Avengers, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 16:08:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11316927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dls/pseuds/dls
Summary: Tony Stark had always known that understandingwhysomeone hurt him doesn't changewhatthey did orhowhe feels.Or: 5 Times Tony Stark Understood and the 1 Time His (new) Team Did





	While I Learn to be the One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VeraNera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeraNera/gifts), [DaughteroftheSilverMoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughteroftheSilverMoon/gifts).



> My Protect Tony Stark feels got all stirred up! This focuses more on the emotional stuff, so don't look too hard at the lack of other stuff... ;)
> 
> Inspired by [DaughteroftheSilverMoon and VeraNera](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/113286606). 
> 
> References/Quotes:   
>  Title from "Avalanche" by HANA.   
>  _Iron Man 2_. _Iron Man 3_. _Avengers: Age of Ultron_. _Captain America: Civil War_.

**One.**

When Natalie,  _Natasha_ , walked into Tony's line of sight, he barely managed to disguise his flinch of hurt as an unimpressed shrug. It was imperceptible because of the armor, but the act wasn't entirely for  _scheming_  director and the  _lying_  agent. It was for Tony, a reminder that he needed to be on guard around these two. No weaknesses. "You're fired." He made sure to tilt his head so his sunglasses slid down to reveal his eyes, leveling his best indifferent glare.

"That's not up to you." Natasha sat down next to Fury.

Fury smirked. "Tony, I want you to meet Agent Romanoff."

"Hi." Tony said, resting his cheek against the cool metal of the gauntlet. A casual move both to disarm the spies across from him and because the fatigue was catching up fast.

"I'm a SHIELD shadow." Natasha explained, as though it would make up for the months of dishonesty. "Once we knew you were ill, I was tasked to you by Director Fury."

Tony had heard enough. "I suggest you apologize." His mild tone carried a warning.

Fury started talking about the changes Tony had made lately, making Pepper CEO and giving Rhodey a suit, but Tony concentrated on staring down Natasha with a challenge in his eyes.

Natasha matched the look with a coolly dismissive one of her own, the equivalent of an eye roll in one subtle blink, telling Tony to  _move on_  because she was  _doing her job_  as though Tony was a wayward child with no concept of how the world worked.

Tony actually felt flattered that SHIELD had sent one of their top agents, Natasha carried herself with the confidence of someone who had nothing more to prove because she had done it all, to assess him. He understood that he was a mission and she was following orders, but it didn't mean the deception hadn't stung.

A moment later, Tony would look back and groan at his poor word choice when Natasha stabbed him in the neck with a syringe and injected him with an unidentified substance.

 

**Two.**

"–thank you, by the way, for listening. Something about just getting it off my chest and putting it out there in the atmosphere instead of holding this in. I mean, this what gets people sick, you know." Tony exhaled and felt the tension leave his body with the air. "Wow, I had no idea you were such a good listener." 

Bruce said nothing but Tony thought he heard a faint rustle that sounded like a twitch of embarrassment. Bruce didn't take compliments well but Tony had been working on building up his friend's confidence. It was nice to see,  _hear_ , that it was working.

"You know, to be able to share all my intimate thoughts and my experiences with someone, it just cuts the weight of it in half." Tony continued, gearing up for the big finish. "You know, it's like a snake swallowing its own tail. Everything comes full circle."

Bruce gasped. Tony would like to think they were caused by profoundness of his words but it sounded more like surprise than amazement. "And the fact that you've been able to help me process–" He said, heart clenched in hope that Bruce hadn't let him down. One look at Bruce's sheepish and sleepy face told Tony all he needed to know. The tension returned with a vengeance. "Are you with me?"

"Sorry... I was, yeah. We were at, uh..." Bruce stammered and for once, Tony did not find the awkward fumbling endearing.

"Are you actively napping?" Tony snapped.

"I was... I... I drifted."

"Where did I lose you?"

"Elevator in Switzerland?" Bruce guessed, a wince lined his face. Was it guilt? Or was it from a crick in his neck from  _sleeping_? 

"So, you heard none of it." It was supposed to be a question, to allow Bruce a chance to counter and say he had heard  _some_  of it, but Tony knew the truth and it came out like a statement.

"I'm sorry." Bruce said.

Tony felt some of the tension ease, they could still salvage this.

Or not.

Bruce rattled off a list of justifications of why he shouldn't be blamed for  _falling asleep_ while Tony was pouring his heart out because Bruce wasn't  _that kind of doctor._

"So?"

"I don't have the–"

"What? The time?" Tony bit out, hurt and furious. He didn't want a  _therapist_ , he wanted a  _friend_. It was clear where Bruce stood on the relationship.

"Temperament." Bruce sighed, looking weary as though he hadn't been  _resting_  just a moment ago.

Tony watched Bruce's face, relearning and reassigning the other man as an acquaintance. He understood it wasn't Bruce's fault that they defined friendship differently but the realization ached regardless. There was a distance between them now.

 

**Three.**

Tony was looking at the fragmented remains of JARVIS' consciousness. Grief swelled within him and threatened to pull him under, the misery drowning out the voices around him. Sounds came rushing back when an iron grip clamped around his wind pipe, then prompted faded away again but this time, it wasn't from the emotional trauma but the lack of oxygen to his brain.

Clint babbled something but took no action. Neither did the others.

"C'mon, use your words." Tony croaked. "Buddy." The sarcasm was lost in the wheezing, because it was clear that Thor and Tony were definitely not  _buddies_. Understandable rage or not, one did not go around  _choking_  one's friends.

"I have more than enough words to describe you, Stark." Thor released him with a scoff, turning to address Steve's concern about the Legionnaire.

Tony watched Thor turn his back, in more ways than one.

 

**Four.**

"The futurist, gentlemen!" Clint sneered. "The futurist is here! He sees all! He knows what's best for you, whether you like it or not."

"Give me a break, Barton. I had no idea they'll put you in here, c'mon!" Tony chewed on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from pointing out Clint's words were better suited as a description for Steve 'Safest Hands' Rogers.

"Yeah, well, you knew they'll put us somewhere, Tony." Clint countered.

Tony sighed. "Yeah. But, not some super max floating ocean pokey. You know, this place is for maniacs. This is a place for–"

"Criminals? Criminals, Tony. I think that's the word you're looking for. Right? It didn't used to mean me, or Sam, or Wanda. But, here we are." Clint sounded petulant and bitter, like a child protesting a time-out.

"Because you broke the law." Tony felt tired. He should not need to explain this.

"Yeah." Clint scoffed.

"I didn't make you." Tired wasn't a strong enough adjective, Tony felt  _exhausted_.

"The law. The law. The law. The law. The law." Clint whined mockingly.

"You read it, you broke it. Alright, you're all grown up." Tony wondered briefly if Laura was the authoritarian in the Barton household. She must be, given how Clint was acting at the moment. "You got a wife and kids. I don't understand. Why didn't you think about them before you choose the wrong side?"

"You better watch your  _back_  on this guy. There's a chance he's going to  _break_  it." Clint taunted, uncaring that he was reopening old wounds and tearing at new ones.

Tony clicked his jaw shut, done with talking to someone he had once considered a friend. He understood Clint's anger at being locked up and away from his family. He understood the archer's need to reassert control and vent with his snide comments. He understood that he was the easiest target to shoulder the blame. But Tony was under no obligation to stand there and take the verbal assault and endure the pain.

The Ant Guy said something and Tony sniped back, walking away from Barton and his venomous derision.

 

**Five.**

"I know that road. What is this?" Tony felt cold, the chill settling into his bones had nothing to do with the Siberian weather. On the small screen, his parents' last moments flickered then faded.

"Tony, Tony." Steve called, there was a note of regret in his voice but no shock.

"Did you know?" He heard himself ask woodenly, mind reeling to process both the revelation of his parents' deaths and the realization that Steve had known.

"I didn't know it was him." Steve hedged.

The icy numbness roared into fiery rage. "Don't bullshit me, Rogers!" He snarled. "Did. You. Know?"

"Yes." Steve admitted.

Words, so many but none right, caught in his throat, so Tony let his repulsor speak for him.

Steve shouted for Bucky to get out and pled for Bucky's innocence to  _the son of Bucky's victims who just watched his parents die._

All Tony could hear was his mother's voice, sharp and scared, before it was silenced by a metal grip. "Move!" 

The battle was fiercely fought but Tony never stood a chance against two super soldiers.

Tony watched the snow drift into the bunker, the white flakes landed on the crushed arc reactor and the abandoned shield, covering it all indiscriminately. He counted them to pass the time, wondering if FRIDAY would send the back-up suit before or after Tony got to six figures.

Steve chose Bucky over Tony. Of course he did. Tony didn't blame Steve for his choice, and in a strange way, he actually admired Steve's complete dedication to his childhood friend. Too bad that loyalty came at the expense of everyone else.

By the time the Iron Man armor arrived, the arc reactor was completely covered and Tony groggily fretted at the thought of moisture getting into the casing before remembering it wouldn't make a difference. It was  _broken_  from when Steve slammed the shield down, crushing the arc reactor into Tony's chest as though he was trying to put it back to its original place. He thought of  _Afghanistan_  and _Ten Rings_  and  _Yinsen_  as he pressed the manual release button, shivering as he climbed out of the disabled suit and stepped into the new one. The bright flare of pain in his ribs informed him that at least two were broken and three were fractured.

Iron Man flew back to New York with an empty suit in his arms, the shield covering the shattered reactor. It felt like he was carrying his own corpse to the funeral.

 

**One.**

The New Avengers sat in a row, everyone in their battle gear and the reporters had been told to address them by their superhero names, measures put in place to avoid calling attention to Peter's hidden identity.

Pepper arranged the press conference after news broke that King T'Challa had convinced the Rogue Avengers, who had been seeking sanctuary in Wakanda, to sign the Accords in exchange for conditional pardons. The Rogue Avengers came to that decision shortly after the footage Iron Man fighting against Captain America and Winter Soldier was made available. While the public opinion hadn't turned completely against the Rogue Avengers, it caused enough of a backlash to spur them into action before the offer was taken off the table. 

Each journalist was allowed one question, and they wasted no time to cut to the heart of the matter. The juicy gossip of broken friendship.

"Iron Man, will you and Captain America be repairing your friendship?"

"No." Tony adjusted his sunglasses and pointed randomly at the sea of raised hands.

"Don't you think that's a bit petty? Cap was looking out for his friend." A man with glasses asked snidely, effectively wasting his turn and earning a glare from Stephen.

Tony shrugged and only addressed the question. "Nope."

"Will that affect your working relationship?"

"Nah."

"How will you work together if you won't give Captain America a second chance?"

"Professionally."

"War Machine." Someone finally caught on to the fact that Tony was determined to give one-word answers and shifted the target of inquiry. "How will the two teams work together given Iron Man's stubbornness?"

"Friendship is not a prerequisite for professionalism. We are united against the common threat of Thanos and for the protection of this planet. With those goals in mind, we will be able to collaborate and cooperate with the other team as needed." Rhodey answered, eyes tapered with irritation. "And for the record, Tony can be as stubborn as he goddamn pleases."

The next question was wisely directed at Hope. "Do you share War Machine's opinions, Wasp?"

"Yes, to both. We have no plans of befriending the Rogue Avengers nor do we have any issues with Tony's very justified feelings." Hope stated. "Tony doesn't owe them a second chance or a third, fourth, and fifth chance in some cases."

"Vision, you once said you could understand why the Scarlet Witch attacked you." The middle-aged woman waited for a nod from Vision before continuing. "Shouldn't mean she deserves a second chance?"

"Not at all." Vision tapped the table thoughtfully for a few seconds before speaking again. "Understanding someone's motives does not automatically equate to forgiveness of the associated actions."

Stephen nodded in agreement, attracting the attention of the next journalist.

"What are your thoughts, Dr. Strange?"

"How often have people given Tony a first chance? Let alone a second chance? These  _criminals_  have already been granted a second chance legally. That's more than enough, don't you think? Don't answer that, that was rhetorical." Stephen scowled at the reporters.

"Spiderman, do you have anything to add?"

"I, um, I just want to say that this isn't about holding a grudge." Peter was glad that he had the mask, because he could feel his face heating up. "Like, our instinct is to protect ourselves right? If a friend took your worst fear and used it against you, no matter for how good of a reason, you wouldn't want to be friends anymore, right? So if you wouldn't want that for yourself, why would you ask that of Mr. Sta– Iron Man? He's a person and has person feelings."

" _Person feelings_? Really, Spiderling?" Tony arched an eyebrow and chuckled when Peter squirmed with mortification. It didn't matter if the media understood and it sure didn't matter that his old team never did, all Tony cared about was that his new  _family_  did. 

**Author's Note:**

> [dls-ao3.tumblr.com](https://dls-ao3.tumblr.com/)


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